For husband and wife: Problems in bed

One of the thorniest areas in marriage relationships and one of the least talked about areas within the church are one and the same, that is physical intimacy within marriage. I mean, it's not that hard to figure out how it works, is it? So what's the problem?

From cover to cover, the Bible makes no attempts to hide our proclivity for sexual problems. Polygamy abounds. Incest is not hidden. The daughter-in-law who seduces her father-in-law. Leviticus 18 condemns areas of deviation that would make most shudder. Adultery and intimate relations outside the bonds of marriage are routinely and roundly denounced. The first half-dozen chapters of Proverbs clarion a father's warning to his son about straying onto the path of sexual sin. Is it any wonder that all is not smooth sailing in the marriage bed between husband and wife?

God makes plain that physical intimacy is to be a good thing. You can start with the attire He first gave to Adam and Eve. Nada. They were to be one flesh. They were to cleave to one another. Procreation is certainly commanded but God created physical intimacy to be so much more. Delicious. Rapturous. Soul-knitting. Why would God's word indicate that her breasts were to satisfy? (Proverbs 5:17) Why would He include an entire book of some of the steamiest (and yet not pornographic) poetry ever recorded? (Song of Solomon) Why would He included warning after warning about the problems that would be birthed through not keeping the marriage bed pure? Why would the apostle Paul encourage frequency regarding physical intimacy (1 Corinthians 7) if this were not a good thing meant to cement, foster, cultivate, and exemplify intimacy that exists in the marriage relationship?

But if this is an area of friction and tension in my marriage, what do I do? We sure don't want to go the way of the world and make sex the object of the relationship. That seems to be what some churches are doing when they preach through "Seven Days to Great Sex." Sounds more like the garbage in the checkout aisle at the local supermarket. So where can a couple turn?

We're stuck. We probably don't want to talk with the spouse if we're already having issues in that area (even though they're the one we need to be talking to). Pride gets in the way of discussing it with a close friend. Who wants to admit to troubles betwixt the sheets? If you can't bring it up with your best bud who loves the Lord, are you going to be any more comfortable bringing it up with your pastor? Methinks not.

Conflict left festering often leads to sin in this area and others. It must be dealt with.

Beyond having a sound understanding of what God's word says about physical intimacy between husband and wife and submitting yourself thereto, I have read no more succinct a delineation of what the physical relationship means to the husband than that from columnist and radio personality Dennis Prager. Being a committed Jew, he considers the marriage relationship from a biblical perspective (albeit limited to the Old Testament) and sheds light into an area of turmoil too oft left hidden.

Much has been written about the woman. I intend no slight. Intimacy is intended for both. But of late, I've seen and heard precious little about the significance of physical intimacy for the husband intended to inform the wife.

I offer up these articles written last winter as fodder for you and your spouse toward working through any turbulence in your physical relationship. They are "clean." Don't let the titles throw you off; the columns are revelatory and worth your time. Read them here, part I, and here, part II.

Many happy returns.