The undercover marital defense

Defense is for the doomed. Consider the Confederates. By the time they'd reached Petersburg, their shriveled forces could only muster a defense. They hoped to run the war to a stalemate, by making the North lose heart. They ended up getting themselves crushed just up the river at Appamattox.

The old proverb declares that the best defense is a good offense.  Consider the meager Confederate forces when they still had a bit of muscle. Rather than try and hold ground in The Wilderness, the Gray caught the Blue lolling on their confidence.  Led by Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, the Confederates routed a Union force twice their size at Chancellorsville by going on the attack. 

The apostle Paul provides married couples one of the best defenses for their marriage by llikewise spurring them to go on the offensive.  His advice?  Slip between the sheets.

"Whoa! Hey--whoa!" you stammer. "You can't talk abou that!" Why not? God does. Hang with me a bit.

Particle-board furniture lasts longer than most marriages in America. Christian marriages fare little better.  I've heard the argument that those aren't "real" Christian marriages. Considering I've seen a half-dozen "real" Christian marriages destroyed in the last year or so, I don't buy that argument.

Consider this.  Satan wants to destroy you. If you don't believe it, look up what Jesus and Peter said (John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8).  What better way to destroy you than by destroying your marriage? Paul warns the Corinthian church about not giving themselves over to physical intimacy outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 6:12-20) and warns the married that Satan will use their God-given sexual appetites to drive their marriages over a cliff (7:5b).

To be clear, my sin is my sin. The devil cannot make me do it, but he can sure make the way look mighty interesting. Men finding younger models. Women finding more compassionate models.  Men hungry for adventure. Women convinced there has to be more to life than marital monotony. Three ... two ... one ... BOOM!

This shouldn't be so for the Christian marriage. We're supposed to know that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, to know that greater love has no man than that he lay down his life for his friends (and his spouse), and to know that God hates divorce. ‘Til death do us part. Richer, poorer, sickness, health, etc, etc. That’s why they used to be called (and still are in fewer and fewer circles) wedding vows.

It shouldn't be so, but it is so. The whys and where-fors are manifold, but Paul highlights one area in his letter to the Corinthians that Christians don't want to talk about but need to talk about. Many marriages fail because of sex.

Go back to 1 Corinthians 7. Paul explains that marriage is good for avoiding sexual sin, it gives us a proper outlet for the ache God has cultivated within us. He explains how that relationship should flesh out (sorry). I am for my wife (7:4b). What's that mean? My responsibility to my woman is to please her and to delight in so doing!.  She is for me (7:4a). What's that mean? Her responsibility to her man is to please her man and to delight in so doing!

Marital sexual dysfunction is rampant within the church. Toting pre-marital baggage doesn't help. Improper prudery within marriage doesn't help either. God meant for physical intimacy to be a delight. Frollick through the pages of the Song of Solomon. Consider the imagery and the plain language of Proverbs 5:15-23. Um, is it getting warm in here?

Know your husband. Know your wife. What do they like? (No, I'm not talking about dinner or what color to paint the ceiling.) Don't know? Ask! Talk about it. Become a PhD on the subject of your spouse.

Sadly, many couples forsake coupling because of a difficult day when, really, that may be just the ticket to turn such a day into a sweet blessing.

Paul does give a reason for not enjoying one another: prayer. A time of hardship may face the couple where they agree to channel their intimacy toward petition (1 Corinthians 7:5), but that must be for a brief season.  What's brief? That's between you two. After that, find your way into the other's arms.

What if that part of your relationship has begun to wither on the vine? Time to tend the vine! Rekindle the diminished flame. Why? So Satan doesn't tempt your lack of self-control or your spouses.  Do you think you're immune to self-control problems? Let me ask you, how many Christian spouses who committed adultery planned on committing adultery six-months earlier? If you think you stand, beware (1 Corinthians 10:12-13).

Who knows? We might actually start talking about this in the church, and we'll see that we're not the only ones struggling with this issue. That might actually lead to frank discussions about what we can do to till up the soil that has grown hard and weed-infested.

Paul wants us to defend our marriages by making our marriages strong. Sometimes he provides us a sound theological foundation (Ephesians 5:21ff), but his letter to the Corinthian church gives us nuts-and-bolts practicality for securing our marriage.  Rather than twiddling our thumbs hoping upon hope that our marriages will survive the year, the apostle steers our attention toward the eyes of our spouse, the one God has specially given to us.

Light a candle and enjoy!