Husbands: According to her

I remember loving Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" as a kid.  You could understand the lyrics, but the depth of their meaning went clean over my head.  At 46, the lyrics sting and sober like an unforeseen slap in the face.

Lyrics have always hung with me.  No doubt, the melody will hook your ear, but it's the lyric that keeps me coming back for more.

Today, I caught a recent release for the second time.  The first time I heard it, the tune didn't overwhelm me.  Palatable like a decent PB and J.  I caught most of the lyrics, but with the canned and grungy, techno-pop, I didn't pay them much heed.  Today, though, the lyrics barged into my man-space with as much notification as Israel will get when Iran sends its Valentine's greeting.

Grant me a bit of liberty.  "According to You" by Orianthi seems to be about relationships in 21st century America, volatile, fluid, moving from whichever partner deems you significant at the moment.  As such, it's bereft on a couple of levels.

But hear the first verse.

According to you
I'm stupid
I'm useless
I can't do anything right
According to you
I'm difficult
hard to please
forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress
can't show up on time
even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you.

Where "Cat's in the Cradle" stuck a finger in the eye of dads who chose the job over the kids, "According to You" targets the liver of the man who takes for granted the girl at his side.  Let me barb the harpoon a bit more.  Focus the bullseye upon we husbands who do not treasure the wife of our youth.

It's easy.  The woman you rely upon to be there through thick and thin, you think she can take it 'cause you don't really mean the jab, right?  She knows you really love her, doesn't she?  A callous word here.  An insensitive joke there.  A shake of the head and a roll of the eyes with "I can't believe it" muttered under the breath can easily be translated into, "YOU NIT!!"

How many wives hear that first verse day after day after day?

Flip the switch.  Chorus.

But according to him
I'm beautiful
incredible
he can't get me out of his head
According to him
I'm funny
irresistable
everything he ever wanted
Everything is opposite
I don't feel like stopping it
so baby tell what i got to lose
Hes into me for everything Im not according to you

What's this guy tell her?  Without saying, "I love you," he tells her over and over again, "I LOVE YOU!"  The soul-starved woman craves to hear such things from the lips of her man. 

The end of the chorus points toward the ditching of the one for the other, a tragedy in the era of disposable relationships, but if you cut off the last three lines, who could be singing the lyric?  Who sings into the soul of a woman to her absolute satisfaction?  Her God and Savior, Jesus Christ.  "You're beautiful" (Song of Solomon 1:15), "Incredible" (SoS 4:9), "I'll not forget you" (Isaiah 49:15).  He loves her with a love far more fulfilling than the satiation of the sexual appetite.

So ought a husband to love his wife, not like verse two.

According to you
I'm boring
I'm moody
and you can't take me any place
According to you
I suck at telling jokes 'cause I always give it away
I'm the girl with the worst attention span
you're the boy who puts up with that
According to you, according to you.

Ouch.  Day after day after day.

Unfortunately, most of the readers to this blog are women.  Please don't rub this under the nose of your man.

But men, stick this message in the ear of your compadres.  "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).  That is truth!  We may not see it, but that's because we're looking through the jaded and sin-stained eyes of the world.  God has given us a precious woman with which to walk a few days upon this earth before we cross the veil into eternity.  Cherish her with your words...and mean them.  Cherish her, value her, as the priceless gift from God to you that she is.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.  Maybe start with your words.  Maybe start on Valentine's Day.  Maybe start today.  Sing her the chorus.