Polishing marriage

Sometimes you need an outside look to sober up your perspective.

American marriage has hit the rocks. Disillusionment and infidelity have left many to wonder, “Why bother? Three things help me focus on the wonder and beauty that marriage can and should be.

First, take stock in a good marriage. Do you know someone with a great marriage? Talk to them. Find out what makes them tick. Translate that into your relationship. If you want to get better at golf, talk to Tiger Woods. If you want to get better at marriage, talk to someone else.

Second, understand that there are weeds on the other side of the fence, too. Take note of the amazing surprises in your own yard. In Sunday’s paper, columnist Betsy Hart responded to Time Magazine’s article which wondered “Who needs marriage?” with brevity. “I do,” she declared.

Married for seventeen years, Ms. Hart has been divorced for the last four. I don’t know the cause of the divorce, but she was very transparent about some of the things she misses. Like a husband who disciplines the children in support of his bride. Or someone to simply come along side and help with the highs and lows of life, from “putting up Christmas lights” to “killing spiders.” Then there’s this crystalline insight.

"But marriage is certainly not, ultimately, about sharing parenting -- which has a limited shelf life. At least, it shouldn't be. It's about sharing a life. As a woman, I want to feel protected and cared for by a husband. I believe I'm -- gasp! -- built to want that. But it's also about what I'm built to uniquely give to one man committed to me: my support, respect, admiration and encouragement, and all without ever trying to make him my best girlfriend! Without a spouse, right now I'm not able to give full expression to those things."

But what about the tough times when his/her jerk-meter is pegged?  She wisely noted,

"I even need the conflict of marriage. Really. Bearing with a man, with someone so different from me, giving him the freedom to fail and still loving him, would again stretch me as a human being. A lot. Humbly receiving that same forbearance from him? Well, that's part of what I need, too."

Wow. She recognizes something, though, that most people and most married people miss about marriage today. It’s not 50/50. It’s a 100% investment, and that’s the third thing to help understand the wonder and beauty of marriage. Get God’s perspective on the deal.

You see, marriage is of God. If not, then we might as well go the way of the critters where each gent corrals as many fillies as he can handle. But God designed one Eve for Adam.* The word of God is chock full of great passages on marriage and the roles of the husband and wife. If you’ve never taken the time to ponder these passages, grab a Bible or go online, and meditate upon what God has to say about YOUR role in marriage (let your spouse worry about their role).

• Genesis 1:26-31
• Genesis 2:18-25
• Proverbs 5:15-23
• Proverbs 18:22, 19:14
• Proverbs 31 (a great passage on how a husband should praise his woman)
• The Song of Solomon (all--oh yes, all!)
• Matthew 19:3-9
• 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:5 (you can go all the way through ch. 7)
• (You knew this one was coming) Ephesians 5:21-33
• Colossians 3:18-19
• 1 Peter 3:1-7

Some things do get better with age. Marriage is one of those things. When one or both partners is willing to give the 100% sacrificial love called for by Almighty God, it can be a truly great thing.

Make contact with those in great marriages. Keep your eyes on your side of the fence and appreciate the wonder and beauty in your marriage. And seek out God’s counsel on what it takes to make a marriage and what it takes to make it work.

Then, enjoy the fruit!

*The polygamy within the Bible ALWAYS birthed chaos and was not God’s design.