The five-year old "Why?"

Much of the anarchy in public schools today rests squarely upon the shoulders of the parents who have ill-disciplined their children.  Demand no standard of conduct in the home and you make it quite challenging for Mr. Mathteacher to demand a held tongue or focused attention amidst his lecture on the nuances of the null set.

Parents began giving teachers children ill-prepared for the classroom when they jettisoned the principles of biblical discipline for the pop-psychology du jour advocating self-esteem over self-discipline.  Rather than restrain the toddling tyrant with a loving dose of corporal punishment parents ceded the reign of their domain to their child leaving their home and subsequently the schools to look like the whirlwind they had sown.

One of the ways parents have neutered themselves is by feeling the need to explain to Little Joanie the reason behind everything she is told to do.  Newsflash:  when a child is told to do X by the parent, the only acceptable response is to accomplish X right away, all the way, and with a good attitude (a "happy heart").  Allowing the child to delay the task's completion by asking "Why?", while paying you as much attention as a brussel sprout, feeds and corrupts the inquisitive nature of the child.  Kids want to explore.  They're discovering the world.  The first half-dozen years of a child life ooze magic and wonder as adventures and discoveries dot the landscape.

Really, though, do they want the rationale behind why their socks belong in the dirty close hamper instead of decorating the floor of their bedroom?  When told to go to bed, do their hearts ache to hear the biological and spiritual need for the human frame to rest? NO!  They have discovered the means to delay the inevitable.  Ten more minutes of play become twenty.  Perhaps Mom will even forget the initial command and pick up Little Joanie's socks herself.  Cool.

Cutting to the core, if a child does not do what he is told by one who has authority over them, they have rebelled, conscious or not (this assumes that they knew how to and were able to accomplish the given task).

One of the best tidbits of parental advice I ever received dealt with the "why" question.  It ran something like this.  When your child asks you "Why?" when they are told to do something, you tell them that they may not ask "Why?" when told to do something.  They must do.  Right away.  All the way.  And with a good attitude.  Anything but will be met with appropriate discipline.  Once the task is accomplished, then and only then, if the question still remains in the child's heart as to the deep secrets as to why a specific task was demanded of them, may they ask (with respect and honor) "Why did you want me to do that, Daddy?"  99.9% of the time, you'll never get the question.  They really don't care.

There are legitimate why questions.  The other night, my five-year old daughter asked, "Why can we only see part of the moon sometimes?"  It had nothing to do with a command she was given.  Her wonder had turned toward the heavens and she truly wanted to know.  Plunge in, Dad, and feed her curious appetite.

The why-principle remains in the teen years, too.  "Hey, Dad, can I...?"  As a parent, it's important that I understand their request.  Ask questions.  Follow up.  Get the whole picture.  Some questions will require time and prayer.  It might require you to counsel with someone else or search God's word.  After objective consideration, decide.  When you decide, your decision stands.  Your child (under your authority) has one response.  Abide that decision right away, all the way, and with a good attitude.  No "buts" or slammed doors.  No rolled eyes or deep sighs.  They might not like it, but that's life!  That's the real world, and my job as Dad is to prepare my kids for the real world. 

Here's where communication enters the picture.  If after a day or so they would like to know the rationale behind my decision that they carried out, they are free (with respect and honor) to ask me that very thing.  Perhaps the ensuing discussion with my child will cause me to amend such decision in the future.  Perhaps it will help them see clearly the foolishness (if so) behind what they wanted to do and the wisdom (hopefully) behind my counsel.

Walk the halls of most schools.  How many of the kids have been taught to respect the decisions of those in authority, principals and teachers, coaches and counselors?  What a blessing it would be to those in leadership if they encountered young men and women who, when receiving an unpopular or distasteful decision from on high, abided that decision with as much fervor and respect as if they had gotten what they had wanted!  Instead, they deal with deception, disrespect, surly attitudes and blatant disobedience.

As parents, let's squash the why-question, unless of course our kids are asking about the moon.